Photo by Charles Etoroma on Unsplash

What does it mean to choose yourself and why is it so important? For many of us, the concept sounds selfish. But, the best way to serve the world is to put yourself first.

That's because putting others first prevents you from pursuing what you really want out of life. It's difficult to discern your passions when you haven't given yourself space and time to discover them.

how to choose yourself

When we put ourselves last or even in second place, we lose touch with what we want and don't want. Because we're too busy catering to the needs and wants of others.

Choose yourself by saying no

To choose yourself, start saying no to things that don’t interest you and yes to things that do. Take the time to understand your likes and dislikes and do more of what pleases you.

You'll be amazed at how this simple shift to self-focus will help you uncover what you're uniquely designed to do. That's why when you choose yourself, you serve others better.

If your parents never helped you know your strengths and weaknesses, this is the time to find them out for yourself. Pay attention to what you do well and become even better at it.

Stop saying yes to things that don't use your talents or that bore you and waste your energy. You don't owe anyone your time; it's yours to use as you wish.

Saying yes too often results from poor boundaries and is often called people pleasing. But, it's actually a fear of disapproval more than a sincere desire to please.

If it feels unbearable to disappoint someone, that’s a natural response to childhood trauma. We abandoned our own needs and wants in an effort to win our parents' love.

That childhood fear of rejection shows up in adulthood as a refusal to choose yourself first.

Communicate clearly

Setting boundaries is tough for those of us who grew up without any. But people pleasing creates muddy communication which ensures we never get what we want.

What we need to do instead is communicate clearly to other people what we want and don’t want.

Setting boundaries is a matter of authenticity. It means being clear about what you will and won’t tolerate, and honors both yourself and others. 

This will be hard at first, but becomes easier with practice. You may be overcoming a lifetime of putting other people first when you decide to choose yourself.

Setting boundaries is not easy, but it’s necessary if you want a fulfilling life. You'll discover what you were put on this earth to do when you stop basing your actions on what other people expect.

Tap into your intuition and ask yourself what you want instead. Think back to times you've ignored your inner guidance system. It's likely there have been catastrophic and long-lasting effects to ignoring how you feel and what you want.

Your confidence will improve when you stop putting yourself last. When you choose yourself you become more aligned with your values.

That means a life filled with integrity where your strengths and talents are put to good use. And that benefits everyone.