How to attract the right people into your life

There’s a saying that your level of success and satisfaction in life is dependent on your ability to attract the right people into your life. They say the five people with whom you spend the most time have the biggest impact on your quality of life. Before I began this healing journey, I poo-pooed that …

How to ask for what you want without feeling guilty

Do you have trouble asking for what you want without feeling guilty? There are likely some good reasons for that which extend back to childhood. If you grew up in a home where you learned that your needs burdened others, you would suppress them. You internalized the idea that your needs were your problem and …

How to know when “you ruin everything” means something else

Have you been told “you ruin everything”? Perhaps not in so many words. But expressing honest thoughts or feelings got you maligned or punished. You may have grown up in a family where speaking the truth, any truth, got you silenced. “You ruin everything” is family code for “your truth telling threatens to expose my …

How to stop expectation from ruining your life

It’s often said that comparison is the thief of joy, and expectation is the close cousin to that robber. Rather than comparing yourself to others, you compare reality to what could have been and feel you come up short. Instead of accepting things as they are, we stay focused on the future. We see happiness …

How to recognize contempt in a dysfunctional family

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may have been treated with contempt. When your parents looked at you with disdain rather than love, that was contempt. In his research, Dr. John Gottman calls this combination of emotions (anger and disgust) one of the biggest relationship killers. Outward displays like eye rolling and …