Have you ever been told to “let go” of resentment over how a family member treated you? Rather than letting go I suggest accepting their limitations instead. Accepting their limitations does not mean condoning bad behavior. It means letting go of the belief that they will ever change, and the magical thinking that they will …
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I’ve noticed a pattern among childhood trauma survivors. And that’s how quickly they rush to defend the parents who failed to give them what they needed. Just today, I watched a recorded session of a woman describing the devastating impact of her parents’ emotional neglect. She quickly followed that up by insisting they would do …
Have you been in situations where looking back you should have felt intense fear but instead felt nothing? Did you minimize or deny rather than assess the circumstance accurately? This upside down response to threat is part of the freeze response. We often talk about the fight or flight response to threat, but the freeze …
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Tara Brach is a mindfulness teacher and psychologist who says when you should on yourself, you argue with reality. The word ‘should’ shows a lack of acceptance and a disconnection with yourself. I would add that it’s mean to should on yourself. I hear so many people on the healing journey who criticize themselves for …
Have you been told you’re responsible for healing after trauma? For example, someone says it’s not your fault what happened to you, but it’s your responsibility to heal from it. While it may be true, this advice always hit me the wrong way. I cringed a little whenever I heard it was my responsibility to …
Read more “How to stop feeling triggered about being responsible for healing”