If you’ve had to go no contact with toxic family, you know the strength required to protect yourself this way. Often decades of internal work go into reaching such a drastic conclusion.
If you’ve dealt with toxic family you know it’s tantamount to having your head held underwater while drowning. Instead of throwing you a life preserver, or even ignoring you, they throw you a boulder.
As a result, you can rarely become the person God (or the universe) put you on earth to become. Therefore, detaching from unsafe family becomes a matter of survival and a spiritual battle for your life.
Gaslighting abounds within the toxic family. They call you crazy for displaying normal human emotions. They deny your reality, tell you you’re wrong to feel the way you do, or reinvent the past.Gaslighting abounds within the toxic family. They call you crazy for displaying normal emotions. They deny your reality or reinvent the past. Click To Tweet
If you haven’t heard of gaslighting, it’s the way your family throws you under the bus to avoid dealing with their problems. They make you the problem to maintain their dysfunctional status quo.
They deny that anything bad has happened to you. Often, they make you believe you’re overreacting or selfish for wanting to be seen and heard or have your needs met.
Social stigma of detaching from toxic family
I heard a dating coach tell his students that it’s a big red flag if someone has a troubled relationship with their family. This is an example of the social stigma attached to making the brave move to protect yourself from toxic people.
In addition to the pain and isolation of detaching from your abusers, you endure the social shame of being someone who “can’t get along with their family”.
After all, the common denominator is you, right? Your family seems to get along with each other and as they’ve told you, you’re the only one with a problem.
This is where the spiritual battle comes in. You may be the family scapegoat and that’s a biblical concept. You are the spiritual bearer of your family’s sins and they will keep piling on you until you take a stand for yourself.You may be the family scapegoat and that's the spiritual bearer of your family's sins. They will keep piling on you until you take a stand for yourself. Click To Tweet
It’s a lie that truth hangs with the majority. Most often, the one who stands alone is the truth teller. Think of the boy in The Emperor’s New Clothes. Jesus. Any whistleblower you can name.
As someone with the courage to stand up to your abusers and choose the truth you count yourself among the esteemed company listed above.
Most likely, you have been persecuted for refusing to go along with a lie. The lie of toxic family rules and roles. The lie that expressing emotions means you’re crazy. And there is no shame in that.