How to overcome emotional neglect from childhood

Did you know that what didn’t happen to you in childhood can be just as damaging as what did?

Emotional neglect has a lasting impact on you as an adult. But it can be hard to understand and spot because it’s what’s missing that has the impact.

This article will help you overcome emotional neglect by explaining what it is, the signs you struggle with it, and healing strategies to move you forward.

what are some unmet emotional needs in childhood?

Before we talk about how to overcome emotional neglect, let’s discuss some examples of this form of childhood trauma.

Lack of support

You received little or no support for your emotions. If you were going through something hard, you had no one to talk to.

This made you suppress or deny your emotions because it was too scary to deal with them on your own. You might have felt ashamed for feeling certain emotions and did your best to avoid them.

lack of affection

You experienced a lack of comfort or affection or both. If you got hurt, physically or otherwise, you never received a comforting hug to make you feel better.

Instead of kind words and loving glances, you received criticism, contempt, and stony glares. Pete Walker, author of Complex PTSD, calls this ‘negative noticing’.

feeling invisible

You may have felt ignored or invisible, like no one noticed you. Your parents or caregivers gave you the impression that your emotional needs were an unwanted burden to them.

They also underplayed or failed to acknowledge your achievements. I won multiple awards in school, for example, that no one in my family ever mentioned.

7 signs you were emotionally neglected as a child

To overcome emotional neglect, you first need to understand how it has affected you. As an adult, you will struggle with the outcomes of being neglected as a child. These prevent you from the fulfilling and authentic life you desire.

1. You have difficulty regulating your emotions. Because you weren’t taught how to handle your emotions, they feel overwhelming and uncontrollable.
   

2. You are uncomfortable with affection, having received little of it as a child. As a result of your parents withholding comfort and care, you are unable to receive something that feels so foreign to you.
   

3. You have a low sense of self worth because your parents made you feel as if you don’t matter. When we are treated like a burden by those who are supposed to love of us most, it impacts how we feel about ourselves.
   

4. You find it difficult to ask for or receive help or support. Since you were discouraged from seeking support in your family of origin, you would not feel safe asking for it anywhere else.

   Receiving help feels like something you don’t deserve or that you will owe someone more than you can repay. You may also have become so self-sufficient that you believe only you can do things properly.
   

5. You feel isolated and alone, as though you have your face pressed against the glass watching from the outside. You feel disconnected from both yourself and others, to the point of dissociation sometimes. 
   

6. You feel as though there is something wrong with you and you are not like other people. You are too hard on yourself and think you are unlovable.
   

7. You struggle with an insecure attachment style, the outcome of your parents inability to attune to you and your needs. As a result, you experience relationship struggles and find it difficult to get your needs met within them.

HOW TO OvercomE emotional neglect

Now that you understand the concept, what are some strategies to overcome emotional neglect from childhood?

Recognize

Acknowledge that you didn’t get what you needed and how that has impacted you. Telling the truth about what happened to you is an important first step toward healing.

Connect with your body

Often when we are neglected, we disconnect from ourselves and have trouble determining how we feel or what we want. Take time to listen to your body’s signals and determine what it’s telling you.

Befriend your emotions

Use self-compassion to get in touch with your emotions. Mindful self-compassion is a modality that encourages you to accept your emotions as they are right now without judgment.

You may be used to pushing your feelings away or talking yourself out of them, but simply feeling them will help you get better.

Reparent your inner child

The neglected child becomes the child who lives inside you as an adult. This child is still crying out for attention and you are the one to give it to her.

You were denied the care and comfort you needed as a child. Now that you are an adult, it is up to you to parent yourself.

Rather than saying it is your responsibility (which sounds mean) tell yourself it is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Parenting your inner child will help put a stop to the self-sabotage she employs in an effort to keep you safe.

Next steps

Now, you have some strategies to help you overcome emotional neglect and its impact. That means understanding what happened to you and giving yourself the care and attention you never received as a child.

If you’ve been hard on yourself, now is the time to find that gentle inner parent to replace the harsh internal critic. Research shows that self-compassion goes further toward ensuring your success and happiness than “tough love”.

Now, I’d love to invite you to sign up for my free masterclass on the 4-step process for healing your childhood trauma. This is my proven method for transforming your trauma into growth without falling back into old patterns.