How to overcome negative self talk through self compassion

Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

Before I began my healing journey, negative self talk filled my head every waking hour of the day. The first time my inner voice said something encouraging to me, I froze because it sounded so unfamiliar.

The change from negative self talk to positive came as a natural response to the new ways I’d begun to treat myself. My healthy self care and self discipline had altered my view of myself.

Now when I hear myself saying “you’re so stupid” (which still happens from time to time), I counter that voice with a corrective, “no, you made a mistake.” Because now I believe it's true.

Did you know your inner voice reflects how your parents and other authority figures talked to you? If your parents or caregivers had spoken to you nicely, you'd be kinder to yourself, too.

Treating yourself like you matter and practicing self compassion will create an authentic change in your internal voice, rather than repeating positive mantras.

How to stop negative self talk

Start with self compassion

You may have noticed we're hardest on ourselves. We’d never berate someone else for making a mistake the way we do ourselves. Or call them a failure for falling short of a goal.

Self compassion means offering yourself the same level of support and understanding you would a friend or family member.

If you tend to criticize rather than comfort yourself when you’re going through something hard, you need more self compassion in your life.

Be kind to yourself

It’s common to jump to negative self talk when we feel we’re falling short. Be kind to yourself when things don’t turn out the way you expected.

Or when you fail at something that was important to you. Failure means you tried and it’s a necessary step on the road to success.

Remember you're not alone

When something bad happens, are you convinced you’re the only person in the world who feels this way? If you’re going through a difficult time it’s important to remember everybody goes through those times.

When things aren’t going your way, do you tend to isolate? Rather than letting your down times separate you from the world, use them to create bonds of intimacy. Reaching out to others is a form of self-compassion.

Feel a range of emotions

We tend to identify certain emotions as positive and others negative. But all our emotions have something to tell us. It’s necessary to engage with them in their entirety for a healthy, balanced life.

Approach your feelings with a spirit of curiosity and non-judgment and remember they are all valid. Accept the gentle lessons and stop beating yourself up for being human.

That’s how your life becomes more aligned with who you are. Your self-image increases and as a result your negative self talk becomes positive.

Forgive yourself for past mistakes and acknowledge that you did the best you could with the information you had.

Extend compassion to yourself for the ways your past influenced your future actions. Determine to learn from those experiences, then release them.