What is self-connection and how to connect with yourself

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Before you can be any good to the world or anyone else, you have to know yourself. That means self-connection, or re-learning who you were before you disowned the parts of you that felt unlovable.

Self-connection is an inside job and requires tuning into yourself apart from outside influences. Without it, we're tossed to and fro by the opinions and expectations of others.

We end up living a life misaligned with our true desires. We fail to fulfill our purpose in life because we've denied the very things that make us who we are.

If you've felt disconnected or misaligned with your authentic self, here are 5 ways to self-connection.

1. Develop your intuition.

Listen to that inner guidance system that tells you which way to go and what to do next. Get quiet and eliminate distractions to hear the direction this voice provides.

There's no guarantee your intuition will always be correct, but neither are all your outside advisors. And, if you take a wrong step as a result of your intuition, it's one that came from an authentic place and will likely have something useful to teach you.

2. Stop people pleasing.

If you've been basing your actions on the desires of others, it won't be easy to put yourself first. It takes practice and starts with figuring out what you like and dislike, then doing more of what pleases you.

Instead of looking outward for your validation, look within. Take care of your needs and let others take care of theirs. That doesn't mean abandoning them, but setting boundaries around your time and energy.

3. Self-connection means making peace with your shadow.

Many of us have disowned parts of ourselves that resulted in loss of love as youngsters. If something triggers you that's often a sign of your shadow seeking the light.

If expressing anger, or even joy, made people withdraw from you, you'll suppress those aspects of your nature and consider them bad. And you'll experience shame and guilt when you do feel or express them.

Reconciling with these parts of yourself and making peace with your emotions drives self-connection. We need all the parts of us to make a whole, even those attributes we judge as wrong and want to disconnect from.

4. Start the day asking "what do I need?"

When we're chasing goals, we forget to check in with ourselves and what we need. Instead we jump into our to-do lists in an effort to "crush the day".

Goals are important (or not) but our first goal should be to nurture ourselves. I learned from Dean Graziosi to have goals for the way I feel first. You won't get far trying to make progress on a depleted inner tank, anyway.

5. Meditate for self-connection.

Contrary to popular belief, meditation does not have to mean emptying your mind of all thoughts. In fact, it can look like quite the opposite.

Set a timer for ten minutes and let your mind wander. Observe the thoughts and emotions that come up and receive the messages they have for you.

If you want, journal what comes up for you. Know that writing down your desires makes them far more likely to come true.

Self-connection means learning to trust your internal compass instead of rushing for external opinions and validation. That requires time alone, away from the pressures and expectations of the world around you.